How I started to overcome my impostor syndrome

Us creatives know all too well the feeling of impostor syndrome. That feeling that you don’t really know what you’re doing and any minute now someone is going to ask you to leave the party. I think sometimes it comes from comparing ourselves to others, or comparing ourselves now to where we want to be. We haven’t met our goals yet, the self doubt creeps in and we question if we’re good enough.

I went through a bit of a dry spell after my illustration degree and there were definitely struggles getting back into it.

During my dark days when I’d lost my creative mojo I turned to YouTube for inspiration. I then discovered the channels of too amazing women who were sharing their life as illustrators online. Those women were Fran Meneses aka Frannerd, and Holly Exley. I suddenly felt hope that here were some real people talking about their process, their success and their struggles. Even though I was a lurker in those days and didn’t comment I still felt a connection and I think Fran and Holly become like my spirit guides on my own illustration journey.

I’m going to be drawing portraits of my fav YouTubers and sharing what they’ve taught me.

Starting with Fran; one of the things I’ve always loved about her channel is the advice she gives. I love this piece of advice (from her video How to start as an illustrator) because it gave me the permission to call myself an illustrator rather than an aspiring illustrator or wannabe illustrator.

“If you want to be an illustrator and you don’t know where to start. You might just say. Hi. I am an illustrator. And that’s it. You kind of started being one.”

It reminded me that if you make art you’re an artist. If you write you’re a writer. If you play music you’re a musician, if you illustrate, you’re an illustrator.

Fran goes on to give some really helpful practical advice in the video too; but this piece of advice really stuck with me and gives me the confidence to know I do belong and I am good enough.

You can watch Fran’s video below and if you don’t already follow her go check out her YouTube channel here.

Stay tuned for more YouTube portraits coming soon, including my portrait of Holly Exley.

The Secret Garden

I haven’t actually mentioned on my blog that one of my New Years resoluntions for 2019 is to produce more book and editorial illustrations. I’ve set myself the challenge of completing one project each month, alternating between book illustration and editorial illustration

In January I created 6 illustrations of The Secret Garden. If you’ve never read the book (or seen any of the adaptations) its about a girl called Mary Lennox who moves from India to Yorkshire when her parents die. Mary doesn’t have much attention or companionship, but she finds this by discovering an old hidden garden.

At the beginning of the book Mary is very isolated and lonely. I wanted to create an image that reflected that, so I’ve used these branches to separate Mary. I didn’t want to include any faces in this image to make it feel unfriendly; so the portraits have blank faces, and Mary is facing with her back to us.

The 2nd illustration shows the relationship between Mary and Martha; one of the maids. Mary is used to being waited on in India and has people to dress her.

Martha tells Mary about a garden that has been locked away since the death of Mrs Craven (Mary’s aunt). Mary explores the grounds in search of the secret garden.

I decided to repeat Mary and the robin in this image to suggest movement around the grounds. I also hope to draw the viewers eye around the page with the use of the spiral of ivy leaves.

Illustrations 3 & 4 are my favourite in this series. I think becasue they have quite simple backgrounds. I’ve used my own handmade textures which I created out of charcoal and paint to add patterns and detail to all the illustrations.

Mary makes friends with Martha’s younger brother Dickon, and the two of them bring the garden back to life.

There is a lot of mystery in The Secret Garden. Another thing that has been hidden away is Mary’s cousin Colin who believes he will never walk and stays in his darkened room all the time.

The last illustration shows the three characters dancing among the garden that is blooming with roses.

This month (February) I’m working on some editorial illustration for my portfolio. Watch this space for an update on that. I’ll also be making video updates to my progress on my YouTube channel, which you can check out here.

Unboxing video

I recently received a massive box of products I ordered from Awesome Merchandise. If you haven’t heard of them they’re a great resource for getting your artwork printed on pretty much anything you can think of.

I wanted to order some more products for my Etsy shop. I also have a Redbubble and a Society6, but they’re something more personal about packing and posting orders out yourself.

I’m also going to have a table at the Ink Paper + Print fair in Margate on Sunday 28th October. If you’re local to Kent stop by and say hello :)

Check out my video to see the products I ordered, and how I take my photos. If you’re wondering what on earth I’m wearing on my face in the thumbnail, you’ll have to watch to find out!

Starting YouTube

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been learning some new skills, getting to grips with Adobe Premiere, filming and editing because…I’ve started a YouTube channel! In fact, so far I’ve uploaded three videos.

I’ve been following other creatives on YouTube for a few years, in a bit of a lurky way. In fact when I was going through a dry spell with my art, it really helped inspire me to see what others in the field were up to, seeing their artistic process and snippets from their life.

I decided I wanted to give it a shot. If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen that I’ve been testing talking to the camera for a while on Instagram stories. This felt like a safe way of filming myself, as stories generally feel a bit more informal. You don’t have to worry about editing, they only last 15 seconds, and they disappear in 24 hours.

Still it felt a bit unnatural when I set up to record my first video. At the moment my set up is just my iphone and a small tripod. I tried my best to look at the camera and not the screen, which I think I managed for most of it. I did a few takes and managed to edit it into something I’m pretty proud of.

I decided to do a timelapse of one of my drawings for my #30illustratedphotos project. I’ve always loved looking through old family photographs. There’s something so magical about photos, how they capture a moment in time. You can relive moments from your childhood, or imagine what your ancestors were like. The photo I drew in the video is of my Grandma on her first day of school. I love seeing photos of my relatives at different ages and doing things that I can relate to.

I hope you enjoy my first video. I’m going to aim to post a new video every 2 weeks, so subscribe to follow my illustration journey!

Lastly, I just wanted to say, if you’re thinking about starting YouTube, or some other “scary” project, go for it! Too many of us (me included) feel like we have to wait for everything to be perfect, and then we never start.

Plants and Pencils

Hi everyone, I just wanted to share one of my latest illustrations. My love of coloured pencils is still going strong. There's something very therapeutic about them. Another thing that makes me very happy and relaxed is plants. Expect to see more plant drawings from me soon.  

Getting away from it all

Hello everyone I've just come back from a very relaxing holiday in the Lake District. It was lovely to get away for a few days, and also to get away from my beloved Photoshop and use some real life pens and pencils!

The clouds disappeared for this photo

We stayed near Keswick and had beautiful views of Derwent water and the surrounding hills/mountains. (Not sure if they can technically be called mountains, but they look pretty big to me!)

Here's one of my drawings I did based on a joke I made about the clouds eating the mountains. In my mind this is what it looked like when the tops of the mountains were hidden by clouds. 

#throwbackthursday #ootd

Hey everyone, If you follow me on Instagram and Twitter you'll know that for the last 5 weeks I've been uploading a nostalgic outfit of the day from the tv show friends. (Which I'm sure we've all been watching on Netflix right?)

In case you missed it here's the whole gang. I am planning on continuing with these throwback outfits every Thursday; but I'll be choosing a new TV show or film. If you have a favourite nostalgic tv show you want me to draw, let me know!

Westworld themes and theories for Season 2

I'm going to be doing a slightly different style of blog, than I usually do. I wanted to start doing some article/review style blogs where I talk about my favourite films, TV and books, and create my own illustrations to go alongside.

I'm starting with the mind blowing TV show Westworld, which is due to return in April. For those of you know don't know Westworld is based on the 1973 film, set in a fully submersive interactive theme park with a western setting.  

Spoilers ahead!

If you haven't seen Season 1 yet and just want to see my illustrations you can do so here, and then go and watch the show!

Freewill

One of the obvious themes in Westworld is freewill. The guests (or newcomers) are free in the park to explore their curiosities and act out their fantasies, safe in the knowledge that it's all just a game. Whereas the hosts are bound by their loops and narrative. The hosts are programed to not hurt a living thing and to step in if there is any guest on guest violence. During the first season we follow Dolores and Maeve's journey to enlightment, however we are left questioning whether they actually achieve freewill or whether this is an illusion. This comes with the revelation that Maeve's narrative had been changed to one called "escape". We see in the last episode that Maeve gets off the train to go back for her daughter, but is this her own choice?

Timelines

It has been confirmed that Ben Barnes is back playing Logan, so we know that there will be more flashbacks. I'm wondering if the show will be able to trick us by making us think the past is the present or vis versa. Obviously this would only work for scenes that only showed the hosts and no humans (other than Arnold.) 

Playing God

There are numerous references to creating life and playing God. Even Felix is secretly practicing on an AI bird. Doroloes' father Peter Abernathy tells Ford in episode 1 that his itinerary is "To meet my maker". He wants to warn Doroles to make her aware of her repeating torture so she can escape. 

When asked about her world Doroles replies "Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world... I choose to see the beauty." Her view of her world at the beginning is of a paradise, which we can compare to Christian teachings of Adam and Eve. Like Eve Doroles is tempted to go searching for the truth. Instead of an apple from the tree of knowledge Doroles goes in search for the maze. The maze is a symbol of enlightenment and knowledge. We even see the maze inked onto one of the hosts scalps showing the maze is in your mind.

In the last episode of season 1 Ford points out the shape of a brain in the Michelangelo painting of God and Adam.

"The message being that the divine gift does not come from a higher power but from our owns minds." he then asks Dorloes "Do you understand what you will need to become if you ever want to leave this place?"

In the story of Adam and Eve with knowledge and freewill comes sin; and they can no longer stay in paradise. 

Narrative

Part of playing God and creating life, is creating the immersive narratives. Storytelling is a huge theme in Westworld, the hosts have backstories, and scripts. Ford also gives us tips on storytelling throughout the season. “Since I was a child I've always loved a good story. I believed that stories helped us to ennoble ourselves, to fix what was broken in us, and to help us become the people we dreamed of being. Lies that told a deeper truth.” 

ScreenPrism talk about how "Westworld is an extended metaphor for storytelling" and compares the maze to deeper meaning in the story. However we are repeatedly told that "the maze is not meant for you" therefore the characters that get to have a deeper meaning in their stories are the hosts. This is also backed up when Doroles says in episode 5 "I imagined a story where I didn't have to be the damsel."

Part of the promotions for Season 2 is a secret website that was discovered by fans. The Delos Destinations website advertises all 6 Delos theme parks, promising "the chance to change your story". While that may be originally intended for the customers of the park if you take into account the latest Superbowl Season 2 trailer it takes on another meaning. The new trailer starts off as an idealised commercial to encourage visitors to the park. However it quickly changes to scenes of robot uprising. Along with Dolores voice over "we can burn it to the ground and from the ashes build a new world, our world." Dolores can also be seen dressed as a modern day business woman. I'm intrigued to find out how her story will change. 

Predictions/Crazy theories

1. I've been trying to work out what the dark secret is that Theresa hints of in season 1 "You're right this place is one thing to the guests, another thing to the shareholders and something completely different to management." It seems to have a connection with the hosts being updated and becoming more lifelike. This might be a bit far fetched, but I'm predicting that the alternative motive is to infiltrate hosts into society undetected in positions of power throughout the world so they can have influence.
2. Another prediction, or rather wish is that Ford's not really dead. I know I'm not the only one thinking that he could have made himself a host doppelganger in his secret lab. Futurism Media have an in depth debate on whether Ford is really gone. One of their theories is "That after being shot, Ford's subconscious would be uploaded to a host version" This idea is really interesting, and would allow Ford to become immortal.
3. Along the same lines of uploading human consciousness to a host, could this be an alternative business that Delos want to trial. An elite few could be given the option of becoming a host in order to live young and healthy forever. These services might be tempting to those who are sick or dying. It could even become the new plastic surgery, the new and "improved" you. 

Let me know what your excited for in Season 2, what are your crazy theories, and what burning questions do you hope get answered? 

 

That Lightbulb Moment

I wanted to share something that I'm really excited about; I feel like I've had one of those lightbulb moments. About a week ago a question popped into my head "Why don't I use pattern in my artwork?" Looking around my home at my favourite household items, clothes and furniture I realised that I love pattern, but it rarely features in my art.

Inspired by some photographs that I took of the bees and lavender in our garden, I started to experiment with mark making and paper cutouts.

Currently my go to mediums are pencils and fineliners. I really enjoy observation drawing, and I want to keep this within my work, but I want to focus on key details; like I've done for the bee's wings. 

I hope you enjoy the final outcome as much as I've enjoyed making it. I'm looking forward to exploring this way of working further.